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Per the Babylon Bee:

10 Tips For Illegals To Avoid ICE


  1. Go back home: Simple, but effective.
  2. Obey immigration laws: Studies show the best way to avoid being charged with a crime is to not do anything to break the law.
  3. Take off your sombrero: You'll be less identifiable and blend in with every other Juan, Ricardo, and Geraldo.
  4. Resist the urge to lead an armed gang to forcibly take over an apartment complex: It may be difficult to resist this urge, but your willpower will pay off.
  5. Don't rape anyone: This activity may draw too much attention.
  6. Learn English: Making a convincing case to the governing authorities is much easier when you can actually speak a language they understand.
  7. Cut back to less than one murder per week: ICE is targeting violent criminals first, so go easy on the murderin'.
  8. Get your MS13 face tattoo removed: Laser removal may be pricey, but it will help you be less conspicuous.
  9. Ask Selena Gomez to hide you in one of her mansions: She's got several of them, and she reportedly has a soft spot for illegal aliens.
  10. Find the perfect hiding place, like Venezuela: ICE will never look for you there.
 
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